Perceptions

Throughout life our many experiences change our perceptions. From the world that revolves around ourselves, the the world that is centred on one person, to knowing how to love more than one person to accepting the beauty of each and every person and creature and plant on the planet and to the universe.

In this evolution there are experiences that cause our spirits to soar and experiences that take us to the depths of despair. Each of these experiences changes our trust and the way we see and relate. 

As time progresses and we leave behind both the good and the bad. However it is never erased from the deep recesses of the sub conscious memories. 

Have you ever seen or heard something and it seems so familiar and so real but there is no actual recollection. It could well be the sub conscious knocking at the door, but somehow we have in the past chose to ignore it and move on. So the conscious mind doesn't accept or even recognise it as a valid part of ourselves.

It is intriguing how the older we become the more these deep memories surface and how they seem so much more significant than the present.

The storehouse of the sub conscious contains a wealth of knowledge and experience that can enhance our lives in the present if we are prepared to access and use it.

For example have you ever been grappling with a problem, then had other commitments that distracted you. Then gone into the shower for example and 'voile' the answer just 'pops' into your head.

Another example is speaking with a friend over coffee and all of a sudden they aggressively respond to something you say, only to later apologise and tell you that someone had really ticked them off earlier in the day.

So just as there is misplaced aggression other emotions can also be misplaced.

One way around this is to have, what is recognised as essential to mental and emotional well-being, forty five minutes of alone time. Time to do the mental filing and to 'put things into perspective.' Meditation is a great way to achieve this and with digital revolution there are some great ways of being able to completely relax and give our minds a break. Used at the end of a busy day it can create a switch between being in a detached 'work mode' to being in frame of mind that connects us to our families and loved ones.

Similarly when going into business meetings it helps to have a five minute quiet mental break so that we are focussed on the task ahead.

When I was learning to fly one of my early instructors, a combat veteran, said that the day you didn't feel the need for what he termed a 'nervous wetty' (loo break) in the lead up to the flight, it was better to stay home. Why? Because, in his words, you hadn't thought about and therefore mentally and emotionally connected with the task at hand. To paraphrase that it meant that the pilot of the day had become blaise and complacent.

This can be applied to any area of our lives. particularly with those we are close to and more importantly the ones we have intimate relationships with. There is an expression that where our children are concerned love is spelled t-i-m-e. That means being present. Connected with them mentally and emotionally.

The last time I spoke with my step father, three weeks before he passed away and not long before his ninety second birthday, my wife and my mother left us together talking, he sharing very clear memories from his childhood. As I held his hand and we held eye contact it seemed I was seeing the world through his eyes. In his last years he had often expressed the desire for some acknowledgement of the value of his lifes' work. Sadly in since that time it has become clear that what he was really asking was the same question that is asked in the closing scene of Saving Private Ryan. To understand that all the efforts and sacrifice had not been in vain. To have the acknowledgement that he was a worthy human being.

This is the reason we need to be clear and present, connected and responsive when we are relating to others.

Dale Carnegie in his book 'How To Win Friends and Influence People says it is all about them and not about us. Being a good listener, be focussed on them and respond in a way that shows you are there with them as they share their experiences. 

Sometimes in relating it is appropriate to be mature, very obvious when in the workplace. Essentially meeting adult to adult. In close relationships having  fun and being able to play in the way children do gives the adult persona the opportunity to take a break and relax.

The complexity that is a human being makes life interesting. Yet amidst all the differences there are so many similarities and communicating at the levels described above sometimes leads to the recognition that we are not so different after all. 

No greater examples exist than when former foes in combat meet and realise how alike they are.

So too with people we may have hurt or who have hurt us, with the passing of time and the gaining of wisdom circumstances and events are seen in a very different light.

If it is to be negative or if it is to be positive the choice entirely ours. It will by and large depend on the skills we have learned and perspectives gained in embracing and understanding our past. Forgiving ourselves for mistakes made and celebrating achievements and glorious emotional times.  

Here are a few amazing moments of my life:

seeing my radiantly beautiful bride walking down the aisle.

a couple of years later holding our newborn son.

learning to see and appreciate beauty in even the small and simple.
being taught humility.

celebrating turning sixty with lifelong friends.

seeing the future through the eyes of a child.

being a grandfather.

and the list goes on and on.