Katherine’s Return.

I hadn't seen her for years and yet here she was with my brother Richard and his wife Amy, who’d met her on their way home from the city.  She still seemed as young as ever and obviously very happy and at peace with the world. Remembering how it had ended between us it was hard to believe that we would ever speak again let alone contemplate a civil conversation or even meeting face to face.  The years between had appeared to have been kind to her and there was an aura of peace that seemed to touch everyone around her.

“It’s amazing who you find when you’re not looking for anyone” quipped Robert. Always the comedian of the family.

She warmly smiled shook my hand. this was a good start. That simple contact made it seem like we’d never been apart. After the usual pleasantries and some banter between Robert and I the four of us found a coffee shop where we could continue our conversation. Obviously there had been a lot said between Katherine and Amy and I smiled and hoped it was all good.

Coffee arrived and there were a thousand questions going through my mind, most of which concerned what had brought her back from Melbourne. She said that she was looking for a change in direction. I asked what that meant, and was rewarded with one of those smiles that said a lot and yet said nothing.

“Katherine this has been wonderful seeing you again, I’d like to hear more of what’s been happening if you have the time.”

“I have to collect some things from a building site that I visited earlier today and would appreciate a lift as I haven’t hired a car  yet.”  

“I need to see a mate who has something he wants to show me, it should only take a couple of minutes, so maybe we can do that on the way.

We agreed to follow Robert and Amy to York,  well known for it’s historical tourist attractions. Conversation in the car was light and the journey passed quickly until we came to a bridge under repair. Young boys, obviously locals, on their bikes were riding among the workmen on the bridge as we approached. They were really enjoying themselves as they raced in front of us to the end of the bridge and onto a grass verge in front of a car dealers full of high class cars.

They reminded me of myself at their age.

Apologising for leaving Katherine in the car I went into the yard to speak with Charles, when one car  caught my eye. The placard indicated it was twenty years old and the price tag of just over forty two thousand which was interesting to say the least. Forty two grand for a Lamborghini , there had to be something wrong here. Charles assured me there wasn’t. Slapping him on the back I joked, “now why would I take the word of a car salesman.”

“Because I’m your mate and you can trust me.”  he replied with grin.

Katherine was feeling unwell when I returned to the car. Her comfort was still my concern and we’d need to stop somewhere for her to rest. The work site wasn’t much further so it was decided to push on. 

Pulling up at the gate of the work-site Katherine got out and walked to a ute   on the site. Out of concern for her I followed, squatted by the open door and we chatted about everyday things, mainly the future. At one point she said she was looking for work in the area. My heart raced, this was good news it seemed we had a second chance. I then became deep in thought about the past and how things had ended between us.

My reverie was broken when she said “the past is exactly that, we have to look to the future.” There was emphasis on the word we. Did she mean that this was  suggesting something.

Later a vintage charabanc (early motorbus) came by driven by an equally elderly woman who smiled and seemed to be enjoying her work of showing tourists around. It was obvious she loved her work. There was laughter coming from the charabanc later as it  drove past down a tree lined street of beautifully maintained old houses  below the highway. I guess there’s a message there, maybe it is time to take a break a, smell the roses and have some fun. Life had been full on for the last few years with projects that, while important, need more energy to complete them.

Seeing Katherine again was a reminder of the fun times we’d had together back east. Things that made us laugh and created memories that were now flooding back. One night we’d been invited to a dinner dance and I’d forgotten to take my shoes. She laughed at me, but said I was still quite a good dancer. Even in rubber soled army boots!

Feeling a hand on my shoulder I turned to see that smiling expectancy, it was still there. The excitement of the ride lit up her eyes and the playful exuberance reminiscent of so many times in the past.

The others had already left for home, leaving just the two of us. Was this done on purpose I wondered? No matter why it’s a golden opportunity to catch up and enjoy what time we had together today.

“Feeling hungry?” I asked.

“Yes, what’s on offer?” she asked.

The talk of food was a reminder of leave on Saturday nights, the routine as Chico rolls and then the movies. Oh yes, the movies!

It felt natural to take her hand as we walked to the café that seemed as though it had transported us back to the early days of the town as we stood outside the Meeting Place Café. We must have been, the paint was fresh, the interior cool and clean and the red and white check tablecloths complementing the bright curtains in the windows. Even the staff were dressed in outfits in keeping with the place.

“So what was your comment about living in the future?” I teased.

She smiled, then playfully replied “well you have to start somewhere.”

“I had to move on with my life.” she said, without recrimination.

“Remember how young we were back then.” “Those were some of the best times of my life.” We were free to enjoy ourselves, when work allowed, and we did.”

Then she hesitated and I thought that this could become a painful end to what had seemed like a wonderful reunion. I was wrong.

“I was devastated when you left, but over time came remember the good times.”

“I forgave you a long time ago and realised that I was partly to blame, I knew that you really did love me and began to understand what had happened towards the end of your army career.”

“Some years later a television documentary on the effects of serving in the army  made me realise what had actually happened. I also spoke with dad about his time in the army and that gave me a lot of insights into his life too.”

Reaching out she placed her hand on mine on the table. We both had tears in our eyes. There was still love in those beautiful grey eyes. It seemed even more like we’d been transported back in time. Back to our late teens and those amazing times shared with the first tentative steps of first time love for both of us.

“Thank you Katherine, you have come back with a gift that is more healing than all the therapy that I’ve had over the past few years.”

“You have often been in my thoughts too and it felt like you were reaching out from where you were and I wondered if we would ever meet again and how we would relate.”

Those  grey eyes were smiling again, this time with warmth and affection.

“Well here we are in the past, so what of the future, what are your plans and dreams?”  I asked.

My response surprised her.

“Well to start with you’re here, what are your plans?”

The air was charged with emotion,  hesitancy and expectancy. It seemed that one wrong word could break the magic of the moment. I held my breath then exhaled slowly as she waited for me to continue. That was one thing I remembered. She could always get me to talk simply by being still and saying nothing.

Feeling compelled to continue and not break the mood I began with my story.

“From that November day I’ve always wanted to be settled in a close relationship, but could never carry it off.”

“My vision of the future is a blank canvas, sure there are some ideas but they haven’t seemed right somehow, like a part of them is missing.”

“Sure there are grand kids now, but they are already making their own lives,  and the rest of my family lead their own lives.”

It felt right that I should ask again about her life and plans.  Realising that this opening up and sharing our past and present would not be something to happen overnight.

“There comes a time when you need to re evaluate your life both in achievements and expectations.”

Her eyes left me for some point high in the distance. I know from this she was reliving images from the past and hoped they were happy ones.

“I'm not here to escape anything or leave anything behind.”

“My daughter Alyce and her husband Paul went to London to complete their studies and have only returned a couple of times. ”My grand daughter Mary is seventeen and grandson Charles fifteen.”

“ I had thought of moving back to England but remembering what childhood was like and how life is here and realised that Australia is my home.”

“Ten years ago my husband, Ray was flying home when his plane went down off the Queensland coast. It’s never been recovered.”

Her eyes shaded over at the memory. It seemed that in not knowing exactly where it happened had left her bereft of closure, not being able to say goodbye.

“Dad passed away fifteen years ago and Mum not long after of cancer.”

I remembered John, her dad, was a great man who’d served in the British army in Italy during World War two. Her mother, also Katherine was what you would describe as a lady. Charming, poised and very dignified.

“So now you can probably see why I prefer to live in the future.”

I thought to myself I've nothing to complain about, my son and grand kids are only an hours flight away and we often talk on Skype and Facebook. The benefits I guess of having a son who is tech savvy.

“You've had rough time, it’s natural that you’d want to make the future better than the past.” 

“Tell me what’s in this grand future plan of yours, you mentioned looking for work, what is it you do?”

“That’s two questions.”  She quipped, smiling.

It was easy to see she’d found a special and rare peace that many never find. That peace seemed to settle on the patrons and staff in the  café. Most times cafes and coffee shops are noisy places. Conversations in the Meeting Place though were subdued with an air of contentment. It could be ambience of the place, but Katherine’s presence must have been felt. You know how it is sometimes when someone walks into a room and all eyes turn to them. That’s Katherine.

“I’m a psychologist, it seems that in working on myself I felt it would be practical to use what I already knew by studying and then use that to help others.”

“That started after Ray died. For a couple of years I struggled and then strangely enough I found an old photo of us on Mount Dandenong the one where you were wearing that blue cravat you insisted on wearing.”  ,

“It’s funny thinking about it now that we had all those dreams and no plans past your discharge, each day was for living and doing things that were fun. even shopping.”

I guess that was one thing learned from her mother, that shopping was fun  her mum would have known having spent time in Paris and Rome. Perhaps that’s where John learned his patience, outside the shops. Saturdays at the shopping centres together while I was on leave were adventures that usually finished at a restaurant in the mountains.

“Seeing that reminded me of so many things and I think it was then that I started to heal from losing  Ray and the kids being so far away. It seemed I was being led to something else in life that was being done for me.”

“Remember the nights you came to dinner after hitch hiking to Melbourne to attend your media course?”  “That was what inspired me to learn something new and becoming a counsellor seemed the right way to go.”

“Then a few months ago there was an news item on the TV about a major fire near here and I felt a need to come to this part of the country again.”

authors note: the fire was just off Brookton highway in Roleystone.

“I was at the South Suburban Shopping Centre when I ran into Robert and Amy. Then we met you and having a coffee with them and chatting about things from the past. I didn't know that Robert had be been in the army too.”

“He has a great sense of humour.  It was fun remembering  the night at the cabaret when you decided to get up on stage with the Gilmore brothers and sing a Credence bracket. The audience loved it and I was quite impressed. I'm surprised though that you never made a career of singing. You would have done well.”  

“Well thanks for the compliment, that was a great night and an amazing weekend that was probably the best that year.”

“So did you follow on working in the media?”

“I actually did for another fourteen years working on air and in the creative end of things,. You know like writing commercials and promotions. One contract meant also being in sales and marketing as well as on air. This is how I met some very interesting people who had their own businesses and it seemed were having a lot more fun. A lot of invitations to events and parties came out of that as well. there was still something missing.”  EXP

“As a counsellor you probably deal with people who have high expectations and yet never manage to get satisfaction out of what they do.”

“They were there a long time before that, Ray was always driving at something bigger and better, never satisfied. In a way Alyce and Paul are like that too. Maybe she inherited it from her father.”

Pushing a piece of hair off her face she continued.....

“To be perfectly honest I can understand why they do, but have to ask are they really happy.”

“Are you happy with what you’re doing, come to think of it what do you do now. Obviously it’s not the media.”

This was going to come it is a question that is hard to answer. After all  how can you explain something that most people have never done but think it would be kind of.

“I haven’t had a boss in over twenty four years since leaving the media.”

The startled look on her face was priceless. It got the same response every time, something in this country to do with bludgers and the unemployable. Thinking quickly on my feet, before the shock set in I continued....

“I became self employed that year and for a few years worked in finance.”

Katherine took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully. It was a sure sign that  my answer had surprised her. Before she raise another question I continued.

“Do you still like to read as much as you used to?”

“It took a while to pick up a book after my degree, but now it is one of the things that are relaxing. “I find reading lets me drift off into my own little world and get lost there for a while.”

“Actually since we’re here with history in the place has just reminded me of a wonderful novel I read a few months ago.”

“It was one of those books that made you think and that was  possibly another thing that lead me back here.”

“You may not relate to it, it’s a book about a woman’s life and how the influences of her family later influences her relationship with her husband and children. I can’t say I entirely agree with some of the things that are said, but it has a familiarity about it.”

“You never stop to think about how the family life affects your thinking as you grow up......I remember arguing with Mum when I was in my teens and swearing I’d never be as mean as she seemed to be at the time. It came as quite a shock when I found myself saying exactly the same thing to Alyce.”

A warm smile crossed her face, memories of her parents and daughter perhaps? She has become like her mum in so many ways, but the proud independence often masks the gentle and compassionate woman. Almost as if reading my thoughts she went on....

“As I recall your mother was an only child, how old is she now. “

”She was eighty four when she passed away a few years ago.”

“I sorry for your loss, was it an illness.”

We were both now recognising that there were more common experiences, like the loss of family. Her hand was on mine for the second time that afternoon. She hadn’t lost that compassionate touch that could say a lot. We had arrived at that point again where finding a little has led to wanting to know more.

As we made our way to the checkout she turned and looked at me with a slight frown. Once again there were a lot of questions and concerns going through my mind.  Where would we go from here? If she was experiencing the same doubts and concerns from the past what would happen?

©Kim Stedman 2012